No one told me it was gonna be like this

WELL ... college is over ... kind of, I am grad student you know ...

As soon as I finished the last thing that had to do with my undergrad life I had to make one of the biggest decisions I have ever had to make ... academia vs. industry ... I have always known what I wanted and sometimes I even knew what I needed but actually making a decision I know will affect the rest of my life and will be the base of every career decision I'll ever make from this point on was an experience unlike any I have ever lived ... having so many parameters to take in and even more I knew I was missing ... making this decision hit me hard ... and that was the easy one

Now faced by even bigger decisions ... I am not complaining I know it's a part of the growing up process ... but NO ONE TOLD ME it was gonna be like this ... or maybe nothing any one could have said would have prepared me for it ...

Heading for mandatory military service ... a dozen of opportunities gone astray and at least a year of my precious life WASTED ... this experience is giving me a chance to contemplate on what I am going to do next ... something I always thought I knew ...

So the biggest decision shows up ... to marry or not to marry ... ... ... and I can say that by far this decision is the hardest decision I'll ever have to make and it's the most risky, irrational, irresponsible, unnecessary and even idiotic ... of course I am exaggerating ... or am I ??

To whom ... that's irrelevant ... at least till I make up my mind that I am going to get married first ... I mean now ... it's not like I don't want to get married ever ... but this a decision that will shape my life in every single way ... at this point of my life I can see myself driving fast on a mountain side with no breaks nor safety belts, depending only on good judgement with virtually nothing to lose ... even if I ended up falling to mountain's foot I'll be able to put myself together and go up again ...

Marriage is like adding package to this speeding car ... precious, irreplaceable package ... risking everything now is risking only me ... and I'll always have my family to do damage control in case something really bad happens ... but adding this package to the equation ... it doesn't add up

Even if she was a risk loving, supporting and wise package ... she is package that I need to protect and secure ... I have to be the responsible one or at least responsible ... now I am only responsible for myself and that's not such a big responsibility and I know just how far I can go before I crack and how to mend those cracks ... but I am not getting married to get that package cracked or to even risk cracking her ...

OF COURSE there is a whole other issue I didn't mention ... the stupid marriage laws that our community has put ... apartment, car, income, security ...............

I am not following any of these laws ... I have my future to work on not some stupid over priced apartment ... I live to a certain standard and I am not giving it up and of course I have no intention to forcing my package to live a hair below that standard ... how I secure that level has nothing to do with what I can afford now ... I guess that's a discussion to be saved for the package's parents, family and friends ... this's Egypt, everyone has a saying in anything

To wrap things up ... leading one's life alone is a tough road ... a road that our parents have been preparing us for all our life ... but leading a family life is a different thing ... a different story ... the thing that complicates it the most is adding some else with probably different preparation for that road to your life and letting her help you navigate ...

ALL OPINIONS, CRITICISM AND EVEN SUPPORT ARE ENCOURAGED AND WELCOMED

A Story That Should Never Be Forgotten: "Palestine, remembering a past homeland"

Stop by the exhibitions hall, conference center, Bibliotheca Alexandrina to see the Palestine exhibition. If you don't have the time check out the stories told be the pictures below ...

Take the time to read the stories below the pictures ... to know ... to be reminded ... so you'd never forget.

Part of The Story:

Khalil Raad's Talking Images:

We should never forget this story and it should always be told and remembered ...

The more things change the more they stay the same

When I am at this point where I can't take an important decision .. when I can't take that necessary leap of faith, this quote comes to mind



"The more things change, the more they stay the same. I'm not sure who the first person was who said that. Probably Shakespeare. Or maybe Sting. But at the moment, it's the sentence that best explains my tragic flaw, my inability to change. I don't think I'm alone in this. The more I get to know other people, the more I realize it's kind of everyone's flaw. Staying exactly the same for as long as possible, standing perfectly still... It feels safer somehow. And if you are suffering, at least the pain is familiar. Because if you took that leap of faith, went outside the box, did something unexpected... Who knows what other pain might be out there, waiting for you. Chances are it could be even worse. So you maintain the status quo. Choose the road already traveled and it doesn't seem that bad. Not as far as flaws go. You're not a drug addict. You're not killing anyone... Except maybe yourself a little. When we finally do change, I don't think it happens like an earthquake or an explosion, where all of a sudden we're like this different person. I think it's smaller than that. The kind of thing most people wouldn't even notice unless they looked at us really close. Which, thank God, they never do. But you notice it. Inside you that change feels like a world of difference. And you hope this is it. This is the person you get to be forever... that you'll never have to change again."

The Best Family in the World

or maybe the worst ... I can't really tell anymore ... I got to witness miraculous events and gain life experiences at such a young age (16 and 17) ... got to know how it should feel to be really in love ... what it means to be a perfect husband ... what it means to be a good wife ... what it means to really care ...

I got to see people grateful in afflictions ... long and painful afflictions ... believing in God ... with their family (my family) supporting them ... always being there for them ...

Real love that could be both felt and seen ... witnessed on deathbeds ... in hospitals hallways ... at weddings ... and at dinner every night ... Unconditional love ... expecting nothing but more pain in return ... the pain of having to take on more responsibility ... accepting that burden without the slightest hesitation ... crying themselves to sleep every night ... only to draw a smile on their family's face ........

Depressing, tell me about it ...
Beautiful, can't think of anything more beautiful ....
Rare .........

I am just beginning my life ... drawing the first steps towards building my own part of that family ... thinking how can I settle for less!! ... and how can I find that rare beauty in such dark times ?! ...

Hoping :)

MeshMesh Theory

Thanks to MeshMesh (my cat) for helping me develop this theory and hereby I name the theory after it.

MeshMesh theory is a theory that describes the impossible recipe of keeping a relationship going ... any kind of relationship between any number of people .. restricting is a dog thing ... this is a cat theory.

For simplicity and without loss of generality will stick with a relationship between just two ...

Back to the theory ... MeshMesh theory bases any relationship on interest ... the two parties sharing this relationship must be interested in each other and in the relationship for their relationship to move on and grow stronger ... if any of them lost his/her/its interest the relationship is doomed.

There are numerous types of interest ... personal interest, financial interest, interest out of obligation or sympathy, etc. ...

MeshMesh theory states that "For the parties to keep each other's interests they have to follow some simple steps:
1. always make the other party feel needed ... no one likes to feel obsolete or useless
2. always take just the amount of interest needed to keep the relationship going ...
3. and always show that you can live without this relationship ..."

This concludes MeshMesh theory.

The proof is this theory is a million pages and is incomprehensible by a single human being or cat ... maybe a human being with a cat ... so don't bother asking for it.

The Good, The Bad and Me

This post is a little personal ...




"Be Good" he said and to be good I tried. No rude back talking, no neglecting how everyone felt, no getting it my way or nothing at all and no blocking others and it felt good. But for the first time for as long as I can remember I chose not to back talk, use smart words or be rude and it hurt me both physically and emotionally. And that got me thinking, is it worth it? is trying to be a good person (make no mistake I am not even close to being good) worth being exposed and getting hurt??

All that got me to rethink what aspiring to be a better person is all about ... well I am not good enough to be talking about what it means to be good but I can mention one thing, my friends. God blessed me with friends that are really good and I can't even come close to describing the role they play in not my life but everyone else around them and never ask for anything in return. Thinking how everyone looks up to them, appreciate them and pray for them always helps and reminds me what this life is all about.

My friends, for giving me hope and something to always look up to, thank you :)

A post to the one I love .. Whoever she is

I HATE EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU ... I hate that I have to think about you all day long even when there are a million other things on my mind ... I hate that I am different person because of you, even if I am getting better .. I hate that you're the only person I want to talk to, like I have no friends ... I hate that I think you are perfect when I know that not such person exists ... I hate that you know how to make me smile even when I am mad at you ...