No one told me it was gonna be like this

WELL ... college is over ... kind of, I am grad student you know ...

As soon as I finished the last thing that had to do with my undergrad life I had to make one of the biggest decisions I have ever had to make ... academia vs. industry ... I have always known what I wanted and sometimes I even knew what I needed but actually making a decision I know will affect the rest of my life and will be the base of every career decision I'll ever make from this point on was an experience unlike any I have ever lived ... having so many parameters to take in and even more I knew I was missing ... making this decision hit me hard ... and that was the easy one

Now faced by even bigger decisions ... I am not complaining I know it's a part of the growing up process ... but NO ONE TOLD ME it was gonna be like this ... or maybe nothing any one could have said would have prepared me for it ...

Heading for mandatory military service ... a dozen of opportunities gone astray and at least a year of my precious life WASTED ... this experience is giving me a chance to contemplate on what I am going to do next ... something I always thought I knew ...

So the biggest decision shows up ... to marry or not to marry ... ... ... and I can say that by far this decision is the hardest decision I'll ever have to make and it's the most risky, irrational, irresponsible, unnecessary and even idiotic ... of course I am exaggerating ... or am I ??

To whom ... that's irrelevant ... at least till I make up my mind that I am going to get married first ... I mean now ... it's not like I don't want to get married ever ... but this a decision that will shape my life in every single way ... at this point of my life I can see myself driving fast on a mountain side with no breaks nor safety belts, depending only on good judgement with virtually nothing to lose ... even if I ended up falling to mountain's foot I'll be able to put myself together and go up again ...

Marriage is like adding package to this speeding car ... precious, irreplaceable package ... risking everything now is risking only me ... and I'll always have my family to do damage control in case something really bad happens ... but adding this package to the equation ... it doesn't add up

Even if she was a risk loving, supporting and wise package ... she is package that I need to protect and secure ... I have to be the responsible one or at least responsible ... now I am only responsible for myself and that's not such a big responsibility and I know just how far I can go before I crack and how to mend those cracks ... but I am not getting married to get that package cracked or to even risk cracking her ...

OF COURSE there is a whole other issue I didn't mention ... the stupid marriage laws that our community has put ... apartment, car, income, security ...............

I am not following any of these laws ... I have my future to work on not some stupid over priced apartment ... I live to a certain standard and I am not giving it up and of course I have no intention to forcing my package to live a hair below that standard ... how I secure that level has nothing to do with what I can afford now ... I guess that's a discussion to be saved for the package's parents, family and friends ... this's Egypt, everyone has a saying in anything

To wrap things up ... leading one's life alone is a tough road ... a road that our parents have been preparing us for all our life ... but leading a family life is a different thing ... a different story ... the thing that complicates it the most is adding some else with probably different preparation for that road to your life and letting her help you navigate ...

ALL OPINIONS, CRITICISM AND EVEN SUPPORT ARE ENCOURAGED AND WELCOMED