Monday, June 27, 2011

A Random Thought

"What would history students think of us ??"

Just six months ago I had a very pessimistic answer to that question. I thought that we'd be looked at like those who allowed the Greeks, the Romans, the Turks and the English to rule Egypt without a word loud enough to be remembered. People that history forgets soon enough. But how wrong I have been ...

We are living one of the most interesting periods in Egypt's history. Being part of any sector of the Egyptian society you'll get to notice how everyone is starting to change. Even if they haven't made up their minds yet on what they want to be, everyone is ceasing to be his or her old self looking for his or her part of the much anticipated bright future.

But what I have been noticing also is that we are not given an answer to what should we do next ? The answer to that question for all Egyptians six months ago is to "bring down the regime" but that period is long gone now and "prosecuting the regime's figures" is not something for everyone to do, it something that we want so is ruling.

Yet you find a huge number of parties forming so fast with a lot of overlapping major goals and differences in minor goals. This makes me wonder what they'll be focusing on really after -if- they get elected, the greatest goals or to fight for those minor causes.

Replacing "bringing down the regime" with another national project is what a lot of  politicians, thinkers and even scientists are suggesting now with no REAL project that touches the lives of all Egyptians out there.  Maybe because we're still in a transitional phase but with the parliament election almost here we should be seeing at least some hints. Either way that's not what I think that we need right now.

What I think we need is a "National Source of Inspiration". In other words we need a national source of hope. That's what made the revolution work in the first place. Instead of thinking of our generation as the "internet generation" with blundering thoughts and no real goals, our parents, rulers and the rest of the world saw real heros taking a stand against a tyrant that no one had the heart to really say no to, taking the beating and growing stronger with every martyr they lose. 

That spirit is what made the Egyptians rebel and I think that's exactly what we need in this phase. We need to learn to ask the right questions not ask for the impossible and to expect real actions towards a better government not to expect magic.

Finally, we need a government that can direct and lead the unstoppable need for change in everyone of us towards a better Egyptian community.

Thursday, June 23, 2011

Not so random quotes

"Never, never marry, my dear fellow! That's my advice: never marry till you can say to yourself that you have done all you are capable of, and until you have ceased to love the woman of your choice and have seen her plainly as she is, or else you will make a cruel and irrevocable mistake. Marry when you are old and good for nothing- or all that is good and noble in you will be lost. It will all be wasted on trifles. Yes! Yes! Yes! Don't look at me with such surprise. If you marry expecting anything from yourself in the future, you will feel at every step that for you all is ended, all is closed except the drawing room, where you will be ranged side by side with a court lackey and an idiot!... But what's the good?..." Prince Andrew - War and Peace (Leo Tolstoy)

Saturday, June 4, 2011

Is It All an ACT ?

I've had so many ideas that I wanted to mention here ... what I do is that I wait for a few hours and if I still have the urge to write a post I do ... well ... I didn't have that urge till today ... and damn it !! it's too personal ...

Today I had one of the most insightful conversations I had in months

Almost everyone that knows me know that I have a "crisis" in my personal life ... Hmm ... it's not that bad ... I just have no idea where it's going ... and you might have already guessed it, I HAVE to know where everything is going with my life ...

What I said casually today revealed a huge part of what I think is my problem and that is "I am insecure" ... maybe you think I am not and maybe you think I totally am ... I hadn't been able to face some of my personal fears because - I think - I lack what it takes to take them down ... maybe I don't have the courage or maybe I don't think I have it so I never tried to find it ...

I consider my professional life an extraordinary one (not so insecure, almost too arrogant) ... I made all the unusual decisions ... I am taking an unusual path exploring my way through it with no doubts nor regrets ...

On the other hand my personal life is a mess ... if I even have one ... although I have no regrets (that a rule) I have my doubts ... I rarely see my friends ... I rarely get to have any real conversations ... and other stuff I deleted because I can't share it ... and finally I am obsessed with one problem that identifies me for the time being ...

"Will I ever have someone to share my life with ???" ... well, my answer is NO and today I got a brand new answer to the question WHY for that NO ... I lack the confidence, maybe the courage or maybe both to have it otherwise ... I always thought I was arrogant, conceited, vain (I am having the GRE General soon) .........

But the words that came out of my mouth today tells me otherwise ... I am totally frightened by "getting rejected for who I am not what I do" ... 

Thursday, May 12, 2011

Movies

Movies .. good ones at least have what I call "the drug effect" ... it helps lose my focus on my life and for a brief moment have no recollection of anything that has been on my mind ...

Today I watched two good movies "Dear John" and "Love and Other Drugs" ... The first is by Nicholas Sparks so as always a great romantic story with a twist and unexpected ending, the soundtrack is amazing especially "Paperweight" by Joshua Radin and Schuyler Fisk and "Little House" by the movie's leading actress Amanda  Seyfried ... So here is the quote that I want to share from "Dear John"
The problem with time, I've learned, whether it's those first two weeks I got to spend with you, or the final two months I got to spend with him, eventually time always runs out. I have no idea where you are out there in the world, John. But I understand that I lost the right to know these things long ago. No matter how many years go by, I know one thing to be as true as ever was - I'll see you soon then. 
And as for "Love and Other Drugs" (which I don't recommend for any conservative viewers that might be reading this post) it's a really great story about what we need vs. what we want and what really matters at the end ... Also it has the best "I Love You" scene I have seen in a while ... The quote I want to share is
I'm full of shit, okay? No I'm... I'm *knowingly* full of shit. Because, uh... because uh, uh... I have... I have *never* cared about anybody or anything in my entire life. And the thing is, everybody just kind of accepted that. Like, "That's just Jamie." And then you!... Jesus. *You*. You. You didn't see me that way. I have never known anyone who actually believed that I was enough. Until I met you. And then you made me believe it, too. So, uh... unfortunately... I need you. And you need me.
So that's enough sharing for today on my part ... please share your favorite movies and suggest movies that I should be watching ...

Thursday, December 9, 2010

A Letter

I'll always remember your smile ... that beautiful kind face smiling ... your generous spirit ... your open arms ... your wise words ... your kind words ... always there for me though I rarely deserved them ...

I thought that I'll always have you ... I took seeing your beautiful face and hearing your sweet voice for granted .., and now they are just memories ... memories ... and you're gone ... ...

I want you back ... I can't hang on to memories ... memories that squeeze the tears out my heart ... so I let some go and keep some close ...

I am older now ... I understand ... I thought I never would but at least I am alive ... not always living though ...

I wish you all the best anyone can have ... and that I'll be able to see your sweet face and hear your kind words once more ...

Always Yours,
Ahmed

This letter is addressed to all my dear ones that are not with me now :)
Inspired by a dozen faces living on memories

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Taking magic out of life


        maybe not :)
Life is a miracle ... the fact that you're able to see the words, let alone reading them, is a real miracle ...

What would happen if you didn't have anyone to explain how that works to you  ?? ... you'd probably come up with something ...  if you're not interested in computers your explanation will be much more fun to you than any scientific explanation ... though you already know that's just how you see it and there is probably some other weird scientific explanation of it you'll feel good about ... maybe even content

Even if you are a geek all about science and facts guy, you don't know what's on the other end of a black hole , what causes cancer ??, how even are humans conscious ?? ... these are questions that you'll hear a dozen different explanations for ranging from what could only be viewed as miraculous magic to quantifications and cold hard math ... but you have your own explanation that you have settled on and feel comfortable with ...

So where am I going with this ??? ... some questions are better left unanswered for at least some of us ... leaving science aside ... the way I see it all scientific questions must be answered ... but let's see another type of questions ... the type of question like "do I deserve this ??", "why does she love me ??", "am I dying ??", "does my child remember me and thinks of me as much as I do ??" ...

Do you REALLY want to know ... for all you know the answer could be REALLY disappointing ... an answer you come up with is an answer you'll know how to live with and there'll be always the fact that you doesn't know it for sure ... but if answered .......

That's the type of questions I don't like answered ... what's yours???

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

No one told me it was gonna be like this

WELL ... college is over ... kind of, I am grad student you know ...

As soon as I finished the last thing that had to do with my undergrad life I had to make one of the biggest decisions I have ever had to make ... academia vs. industry ... I have always known what I wanted and sometimes I even knew what I needed but actually making a decision I know will affect the rest of my life and will be the base of every career decision I'll ever make from this point on was an experience unlike any I have ever lived ... having so many parameters to take in and even more I knew I was missing ... making this decision hit me hard ... and that was the easy one

Now faced by even bigger decisions ... I am not complaining I know it's a part of the growing up process ... but NO ONE TOLD ME it was gonna be like this ... or maybe nothing any one could have said would have prepared me for it ...

Heading for mandatory military service ... a dozen of opportunities gone astray and at least a year of my precious life WASTED ... this experience is giving me a chance to contemplate on what I am going to do next ... something I always thought I knew ...

So the biggest decision shows up ... to marry or not to marry ... ... ... and I can say that by far this decision is the hardest decision I'll ever have to make and it's the most risky, irrational, irresponsible, unnecessary and even idiotic ... of course I am exaggerating ... or am I ??

To whom ... that's irrelevant ... at least till I make up my mind that I am going to get married first ... I mean now ... it's not like I don't want to get married ever ... but this a decision that will shape my life in every single way ... at this point of my life I can see myself driving fast on a mountain side with no breaks nor safety belts, depending only on good judgement with virtually nothing to lose ... even if I ended up falling to mountain's foot I'll be able to put myself together and go up again ...

Marriage is like adding package to this speeding car ... precious, irreplaceable package ... risking everything now is risking only me ... and I'll always have my family to do damage control in case something really bad happens ... but adding this package to the equation ... it doesn't add up

Even if she was a risk loving, supporting and wise package ... she is package that I need to protect and secure ... I have to be the responsible one or at least responsible ... now I am only responsible for myself and that's not such a big responsibility and I know just how far I can go before I crack and how to mend those cracks ... but I am not getting married to get that package cracked or to even risk cracking her ...

OF COURSE there is a whole other issue I didn't mention ... the stupid marriage laws that our community has put ... apartment, car, income, security ...............

I am not following any of these laws ... I have my future to work on not some stupid over priced apartment ... I live to a certain standard and I am not giving it up and of course I have no intention to forcing my package to live a hair below that standard ... how I secure that level has nothing to do with what I can afford now ... I guess that's a discussion to be saved for the package's parents, family and friends ... this's Egypt, everyone has a saying in anything

To wrap things up ... leading one's life alone is a tough road ... a road that our parents have been preparing us for all our life ... but leading a family life is a different thing ... a different story ... the thing that complicates it the most is adding some else with probably different preparation for that road to your life and letting her help you navigate ...

ALL OPINIONS, CRITICISM AND EVEN SUPPORT ARE ENCOURAGED AND WELCOMED